One year!

Posted on July 23, 2011


A year ago today, it was pretty much the same as today, sunny, hot, and with 100 degree temperatures.  A year ago today, I got up, had coffee, made breakfast for me, and the kids.  We played, watched some TV, probably went to the park or the pool.  We had lunch, maybe popped in a movie to watch, so we could avoid being outside during the hottest part of the day.  I made dinner later, we ate, walked the dog, probably played a game, read books, and then went to bed.  Honestly I don’t remember all the details of that day, in fact I barely remember any, and in the grand scheme of things, most of them don’t matter.  What I and my family did a year ago today is similar to what we do everyday.  There is one difference, and it is the only detail I remember clearly.  A year ago today, was my last day as a smoker.

When I woke up a year ago today I smoked my last cigarette with coffee.  The last one I would inhale before I had cleared all the gunk out of my lungs from the previous days cigarettes.

 A year ago I smoked my last pre meal, and post meal cigarettes. I had my last before the dog walk smoke, after the dog walk smoke, and my last watching TV through the porch door smoke.

A year ago today, I had my last “waiting for my tea to steep” smoke.  I had my last pre shower smoke,  post shower smoke, and my very, final smoke before bed.  The very last cigarette in 14 years of smoking.

I went to bed smelling of tobacco.  It was in my hair, on my skin, on my clothes and as laid down, it got into my sheets.  The smell was everywhere even though I took steps to keep the smoke outside.  It still seeped in.  Into the carpet.  Into the shades.  Into the furniture.  My sense of smell being dulled from years of smoking, I couldn’t smell it then, so it was easy to think that the smell wasn’t there.

A year ago today I had long forgotten how I my skin and hair could still smell of my soap and shampoo long after my shower was over.  I had forgotten, how my clothes would still smell of dryer sheets at the end of the day.  I had forgotten what it was like to wake up in the morning, and not feel my chest full of phlegm.  I had forgotten how nuanced food could taste and smell.  I had forgotten what it was like for my mouth to still feel minty hours after cleaning my teeth and rinsing my mouth.  I had forgotten how fresh and clean my house could smell as I walked in the front door.  It never smelled bad, but it never smelled fresh.

A year ago today I laid my head down on my pillow, and hoped and prayed that this time quitting would stick.  I laid awake, thinking about that last cigarette, and wondering how I was going to get through one day, much less the rest of my life without smoking.  I closed my eyes, and hoped that I wouldn’t give up, or give in, and go buy a pack of cigarettes.  As I drifted off, I made a promise to myself that this time, I wouldn’t let cigarettes rule me anymore.

A year ago today I went to bed a smoker.

A year ago tomorrow I woke up as a non-smoker.

One year has passed, and I have remembered all those things I had forgotten.

Posted in: Random