Goodbye 33. Hello 34!

Posted on February 22, 2011

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Today is my birthday and I say goodbye to another year.  Sometimes birthdays are a time to lament lost youth, but I so far I have enjoyed growing older, it’s always made me feel like my body, and time is catching up to how old I have felt in my head.  However as I do get older I sometimes feel that my innate goofiness, and lightheartedness is at odds with my age.  In other words I often feel like acting my shoe size and not my age, but maybe that is what keeps people “young and vibrant” even as the body ages.  How many times can I say ages/age in a sentence?   I think as an adult I need to be childish at times…I think we all need to have those moments where we just “let go” of all the conventions and inhibitions that being adult entails, and just be a kid again.  I think it is freeing, even if it’s just for a moment, in light of this I feel like finding a hill to roll down.

I feel like this past year I have come back to my original self.  I don’t know where I went, but for several years I just didn’t have that oomph and energy I once had.  Now one might argue that taking care of young children would be to blame, because keeping up with them and keeping them out of things can take a lot out of you, but it wasn’t that.  I think it was a combination of a lot of things, none of which I am going to get into right now…another day, another post,  but I feel like this year I finally shed off the last of  the..gunk, that was weighing me down.  Yes, looking back I was probably dealing with mild depression, I think I couldn’t see it while I was in it because having been severely depressed in the past, what I had been feeling the past few years didn’t feel like depression.  Honestly, and I hate to bring it up yet again, but quitting smoking brought a lot of the feelings to a head because of the Chantix, and then the Wellbutrin/Zyban they had opposite of the desired effect on me.  However they opened my eyes to the fact that I had been depressed and was self medicating with nicotine, but the nicotine was also probably helping to cause the depression.  Once the Chantix, Zyban, and nicotine were out of my system everything felt clear again.  I am not a doctor, and these are just my theories, but are ones of which I have spoken to my doctor about, so I am not advocating anything, just sharing a personal experience.

Gosh, I meant to make this short and sweet…seems that’s not going to happen.  My point is, so far I think 33 was an important year for me as far as personal changes, I finally beat a habit I thought I never would.  I started slowly re-immersing myself in hobbies that I had abandoned.  I started setting goals again, and am actually working toward reaching them.  I shaved my head…why?  Because my hair was driving me nuts, so I thought I’d start from scratch, and I found the experience very freeing.  I went from this (though it was a little longer):

To this:

My head wasn’t nearly as bumpy as I thought, plus it gave me a boost of confidence.  It was like when I shaved off my hair, I was shaving off everything that weighed me down, and starting fresh.  My hair has since grown back, and quite nicely hopefully it will behave from now on.

Yes, 33 was a year of change, and even though a couple of weeks ago I was kind of Blah about turning 34, I now feel that 34 will be a year of action, of putting all these changes to good use.  Happy Birthday to me!

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Posted in: Random