At a loss for words

Posted on January 8, 2011

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I want to write here everyday, or at least very close to it.  Through out the day I often have all these things going through my head that I would like to put here, so many things I want to put in writing so that maybe I can stop mulling it over.  Except when I get here, and open up the “New Post”  page my mind goes blank, or the idea is not as solid as it once was.  Sometimes I lose sight of what I was trying to say in the middle of writing…completely lose the plot, and then the babbling starts, and it all falls apart.  Kind of like my previous post.

It might be due to distractions, it is hard to keep a train of thought when a kid starts reading over your shoulder.  Remind me again why I helped my kids learn to read?   Let me tell you it’s always a bummer when spelling out a word doesn’t keep them in the dark anymore.  Okay, I am joking…mostly.  In seriousness though there is always something here at home that catches my attention, or bugs me, or reminds me of something else I need to do, and it’s hard everything I wanted to say from getting all fuzzy.

Sometimes I think it’s because of the medium.  Often when I start thinking something over, my first instinct is to write it out on paper to solidify things, you know make it coherent, and not to just start typing and let it flow.  I think it might be the tactile experience of putting pen to paper that helps me shape things better.  I am only in my early 30’s but computers weren’t everywhere in schools like they are now, so papers were still hand written, with a rough and final draft.  The more important writings, like term papers, book reports, and special writing projects did have to be typed, but a written rough draft was still required.  I think that maybe doing that all the way through school just makes the instinct to write things out on paper first, second nature to me.  Also it’s weird, because for whatever reason it always seems like I can see what I have written better when it’s on paper, which is ridiculous, although it reminds I need to get an eye exam soon.

Whatever the reason, hopefully it is a hump I can get over, with time, and that putting my thoughts together at a keyboard will become more natural to me.  This means there might be some posts that are kind of all over the place, because this is how I think a lot of the time, my mind wanders and goes off on tangents, and oh crap I need to go to the store, and the oil needs to be changed in the car, where was I?  Yeah, pretty much like that.  I have had a free range brain for too long now, and I need to work on reigning it in.  I also need to get my thoughts out here because I am starting to talk to myself a little too much.  Yes I talk to myself, it’s something I have done since I was a kid, so now it has become a habit, and I catch myself thinking out loud a lot sometimes…it’s part of my charm.

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