I am a liar!

Posted on January 7, 2011

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You read the title right.  I am a liar…so are you by the way, so is everyone.   We all lie, maybe not everyday, maybe not to everyone, but we all do it.  Let me clarify a couple of things first.  First off I am not talking about the big lies, the ones in which a person has to create more lies in order to keep it afloat, the ones that hurt other people, ruin lives, or careers.  Obviously the majority of people are honest in that respect, and live a truthful life, and are not purposely deceiving people.   Secondly I am not focusing on the little white lies we tell others, the ones we utter to spare feelings, and keep the peace.  I think those serve a societal purpose, and might even be considered as important as good manners,  in a weird way those white lies are a way of showing compassion.  Sure it is honest to tell your friend/wife/husband/child etc…that their butt looks a little bigger, or their haircut is unflattering, but in the grand scheme of things is being honest about their hair, or backside more important than not hurting their feeling, or making them feel insecure about their body?  No, it really isn’t, at least I don’t think so.

Ruling out those two kinds of lies, what does that leave?   Well the way I look at it, it leaves the little lies we tell ourselves, and sometimes others. The kind whose only purpose is to make ourselves feel better or sometimes superior to others, or to bolster people’s opinions of us.  They flow out of us so effortlessly, that most of the time it’s hard to separate them from the truth.  They come out on the internet, in real life, in business and with friends and family.  They aren’t malicious (though some can end up that way), and they aren’t all that harmful, except maybe to ourselves.  They are born out of self-preservation, competitiveness, but more often insecurity.   Interestingly it’s the ones born out of insecurity that usually make us more insecure, which leads to more lies, and half-truths, and omissions.

Let me give an example so what I am talking about isn’t so vague.  I am a woman, a wife, and a mother, so I mainly draw from those experiences and can only speak for myself.   The lies I am speaking of are often shared among us moms.  We want to seem like we have it all together, that our kids are angels, we make everything from scratch, our homes are immaculate, our spouses, or partners are completely devoted to us, our sex life is rocking and our social life is packed.   We can do it all, have it all, get it all done everyday, and still get 8-9 hours of sleep every night.  Those who can’t?  Well they just aren’t trying hard enough, and are sub-par mothers, whose children will become miscreants, and whose partners will leave them.

Wait!   Say what?

Okay, so that is a little hyperbolic, however there are times when it really feels like that, especially when you first become a mom. (or insert, wife, husband, employee, etc…)  Sometimes it seems like instead of learning from and supporting one another,  we have this need to be…more motherly than thou.  Honestly looking back, I wish there had been more honesty among the moms I met when I become a mom.   I would have preferred, the sometimes brutal honesty of parenthood, instead of the insinuations that the choices I was making for my child weren’t good enough.  This doesn’t just apply to parenthood, it applies to our body image, our ideals of marriage, or partnership.  It applies to our social interaction, our friendships, our jobs, and our public image.   Basically it can apply to life in general, because it seems like we are all so worried about how people see us, and keeping up, or one upping everyone else, that I think sometimes we lose sight of who we really are, of what makes us individuals.

With that said (and I know things might still seem a bit vague…they are still a bit vague in my head) this is my vow, to the people who know me, to the people who love me, and mainly myself, I will strive to speak, be, and live honestly.  I am not necessarily going to air out my dirty laundry, but I am going to try to approach things truthfully, without worry that people will see all my imperfections, or rather without worrying what people with think of my imperfections, and flaws, because no one is perfect.  I just want to go back to being the flawed, rough around the edges, bumbling me…I want to stop being a liar.

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